The Dogs Bollocks

If I had to tell you that you would eating your meal within the driveway of a loud obnoxious Englishmen in a crime ridden area of town, you’d politely tell me to go jump in a lake somewhere. I don’t blame you; it was my initial reaction when I heard about the Dogs Bollocks.

Don’t be fooled by the somewhat vulgar name, the Dogs Bollocks is one of the most happening restaurants in Cape Town at the moment. Located just off Buitenkant Street, the restaurant in question is slowly becoming a well- known must eat at restaurant. I have described this restaurant to many friends and family members; however it is difficult to describe it without making it sound like some dodgy old man trying to make a quick buck. In this blog I’ll do my best to make this seemingly dodgy restaurant look like the little gem of a place that it truly is.

My first visit of the Dogs Bollock ended up at a Mexican restaurant in town. This may seem bizarre but because of the advertising of the Dogs Bollock, or lack thereof  I drove right past the restaurant and when I eventually found the hidden establishment it was filled to capacity and the famous burgers were already sold out (needless to say it was only 630pm). Having learnt from my first mistake I made sure that the second time around I was better prepared. I left my house at 5 o clock with excitement in my heart and an appetite in my belly. I was greeted with a sense of relief on my arrival as I noticed that the restaurant was fairly quiet and calm. The exterior of the restaurant is far from an oil painting and really isn’t much to look at. Earlier I mentioned eating your meal within someone’s driveway and when I said you’ll be eating out of someone’s driveway, I meant just that. The furniture itself is rustic, patio like in nature and fits the setting of the Dogs Bollocks well. Visually, apart from being incredibly unique there really isn’t much to write home about.

Ordering a burger is another unique experience in itself. At the Dogs Bollocks there are no such thing as servers, there is , however, a chalk board. When you arrive you go over to the chalk board and write down your name and the number of burgers you wish to order. When the chef is ready for you he will shout out your name, at this point you will go up and place your order. The chef could be described rather judgementally as an ‘old geyser’. He is from a town in England called Manchester; his accent is piercing and distinct. He is also an incredibly loud man who’s not shy to make use of the odd profanity here and there. His presence, personality and general attitude can be humorous but more than anything its incredibly intimidating. His audacious style and unique way of running a business is fitting to the different, unique vibe of the Dogs Bollocks.

The burgers themselves are massive in a very ambiguous way. Massive in size, but also in flavour and activity. When I say the burgers are massive they really are one hundred 100%, no two ways about it massive. Imagine a burger the size of your head; I kid you not that is the size of these delicious burgers. Massive in flavour; each bite allows you to experience a truly unique taste sensation. The patty which is homemade is jam packed with enough flavour and activity to leave you salivating for more. The meal experienced at the Dogs Bollocks was hands down the best burger I have ever had the privilege of eating.

What makes a restaurant like the Dogs Bollocks so special is that it is so unique and so different. Personally, I love an underdog story (excuse the pun) and when you walk in or perhaps drive by the Dogs Bollocks your mind would automatically jump to conclusions and your newly formed opinion would be somewhat of a negative one. However give it a chance, write your name on the board, order, eat and enjoy a mouth-watering burger. More importantly, enjoy the truly unique dining experience that can be offered nowhere else in Cape Town. Try it, it’s an absolute must.